Multi-level marketing. It’s such a love/hate relationship for me.
For one, I LOVE the overpriced essential oils, smelly wax and sticky makeup you can get from places such as DoTerra, Scentsy and MaryKay.
Plus, you get to spend time with some of your favorite gal-pals as you browse through some of the strangest sex gels and toys.
The part that I HATE is trying to be hit up for sales or recruited for the next pyramid scheme that tells me I can become a bazillionaire as long as I believe and never stop working hard.
Let’s talk about my friend Georgia. Georgia and I were pals back in college. Not best pals, mind you — just pals.
The closest we ever came to being besties was when she looked me in the eye one night after a gym trip and told me she was just SO sexually frustrated.
Thinking she was joking, I laughed it off. She wasn’t joking. I still don’t know what I could have told her to help with the angst that she was feeling…deep…within.
Fast forward 15 years later. I’m a married woman with two kids and she’s still single (aka sexually frustrated) and living her life on and off Facebook. I would read her blog once in a while to see what she was up to and always hoped that she’d find that special man to relieve her…tension.
I never reached out to her because we literally hadn’t talked in 15 years and as we all know, that could be kinda awkward. Plus, we didn’t have much in common to boot.
One random Thursday evening, I get a message saying “Hey! Are you living in Dallas, too? I haven’t seen you since college. We should get together soon!”
I didn’t buy it for one second. Once I got married, my single friends flocked to the nearest karaoke bar and deleted my number that night. I fully expected her to have no interest in my husband or the twenty pounds I’d gained since matrimony.
Sure enough, the next message to me was her inviting me to her RuRuLaRue party online. I was merely a big dollar sign in plus size yoga pants in her eyes.
AND THIS IS THE OBVIOUS PROBLEM, PEOPLE!
MLM’s steal our friends and turn them into zombies. Zombies that believe they’re on a mission to change the world with their essential oils and sex-enhancing gel. With their 5% commission, they believe they’ll get close to paying off their student loans and find happiness in the MLM afterlife some day. I’m a firm believer that it will never happen.
And I’m here to tell you that there ARE warning signs of a friend being involved with multi-level marketing. Before she gets too deep into the heart of her new “business”, there are ways to get her to step off the ledge.
But before you can do that, you have to look for the signs and symptoms.
Here are the 6 ways to tell if a friend has joined an MLM!
1. You notice she starts texting and reaching out to you on Facebook more.
She’s never wanted to hang out before but maybe she’s realized what a great friend you are! Wrong-o. You’re one of the top 100 contacts that she’s had to make a list of during her last MLM training session.
2. She smiles more and wants to engage in conversation at work.
She used to be known as the “Prozac Queen” but now she’s learning that anything is possible with positive affirmation from her weekly sales trainings. Shut. It. Down.
3. He wants you to watch a video about health supplements he “thought you’d like”.
You’ve literally never spoken to this man in a normal conversation because every time you saw him he was glued to a computer screen. But one random day, he instant messages you and says he “has a video that he thought you would be interested in”. Since he doesn’t know your interests, it’s best to ignore that conversation entirely. You’re an X.
4. Her social channels are full of product photos and party invites.
Initially, your friend wants to spread the word to anyone and everyone that she has started her own “business”. If you start getting group invites in your social feeds to makeup and Tupperware parties, you might as well mute those notifications RIGHT NOW. Those invites and comments will slam your Facebook feed like the tsunami from Day After Tomorrow that hits New York.
5. She’s traveling to conventions and smells like a basil leaf every time you see her.
At this point, consider her gone. Just hug her one last time and wish her the best. One too many essential oils have gone to her brain — bless her heart.
What about you? Do you agree that MLM’s were created by followers of Satan? Have you ever joined a cult? I’d love to hear your comments below! And if you think this post is ridiculous, share it with some people!