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Bigfoot Statue in Forest

Before you roll your eyes, hear me out. Of all the marriage and family books I’ve devoured while binging on ice cream and watching soap operas, I’ve discovered someone that has better marriage advice than Dr. Phil could even dream of.

You know that big hairy guy? The one that probably smells like a toenail while wandering through the forests? Yep, Bigfoot. Recently, the news has been reporting sightings around the nation…just like this one most recently in Utah. It’s perplexing and so fascinating at the same time.

As I sat and pondered Bigfoot’s existence and why he gets so much attention, I was able to gain some great insight into how to become a better wife by studying this random hairy beast’s lifestyle.

Here’s what I’ve discovered:

A mysterious life means a sexier wife.

I’m completely serious. If you add a little mystery to your life and disappear for days at a time, your husband is bound to miss you at some point. I’ve tried this and it absolutely works. Just try to be cryptic enough so he doesn’t file a missing persons report.

Shaving your legs is a silly tradition.

A hairy leg or two can actually make you unique among your mom friends. Head on over to your next playdate without a pair of perfectly shaved or waxed legs and see what happens. I can guarantee you there will be some stares but this will be a perfect opportunity for you to be the center of attention.

Being comfortable alone is important for a marriage.

Being able to spend time by yourself and away from your husband is important for any self-respecting woman. If you can’t be comfortable treading through the forest by yourself, then you’ll never be able to fully wander the aisles of Target feeling completely in tune with yourself.

Pooping in the woods is eco-friendly.

Less money spent on toilet paper and more time out in nature is what you’ll accomplish each and every time you have a bowel movement in the woods. You’ll thank me later.

Save money on bras by not wearing one.

The most authentic and believable Bigfoot footage of all time shows that Bigfoot is most likely a woman. If you think I’m making this up, I’m not. Check out the video below and tell me that Bigfoot doesn’t have a pair of bazongas (and you’ll also notice that she’s not the slightest bit concerned that someone’s filming her without a bra, either!)

What about you? Have you learned anything from Bigfoot lately? Do you have any tips on how to be a better wife? Do you have regular lunch dates with Ms. Bigfoot? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!

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