You know how it goes: you’ve finally got some time off so you plan to spend the day doing something fun with the family. You’re eager to get going and once all the bags are packed and the kids are buckled into their car seats, you look over and notice that tell-all face on your adorable husband. It’s a look that borders fear and desperation. It’s the face that says “I have to poop”.  Which ultimately means, “Honey, we can’t go anywhere yet because I have to go spend 30 minutes on a toilet trying to coax something out of my body”.

When I was first married, I didn’t think too much of this because I just figured he got a little shy and would spend that thirty minutes hiding from me in the bathroom. However, the girls at the yacht club can all agree with me that for some reason, men take FOREVER to go Number Two.  According to Google, women have been asking this question for ages with it being only second to “Why does it take guys so long to say I love you?” This is a big deal. Such a big deal that Women’s Health magazine even featured a write-up on the pressing question because — let’s be honest — it’s never taken me more than 2 minutes

Google Search Query On Guys Pooping Habits

But this post isn’t about trying to discover the whys of the never-ending Number Two, but rather how you as a wife or significant other can stay sane while waiting for him to get up from his porcelain throne.

Here are 10 activities to help you kill time while waiting for your husband to poop that I sometimes use. I hope you’ll find them helpful!

Catch Up With An Old Friend

You know that friend that you’ve been meaning to catch up with but just haven’t had the time? Well hubs on the toilet gives you the perfect amount of uninterrupted time to call up that old gal pal to catch up on the latest. And, depending on what he had for dinner the night previous, you might just find yourselves with a full hour of girl chat. 

Organize Your Closet

When we get busy, our closet can become one of the first things to get disorganized. Utilize this time to organize shoes by occasion and clothes by color. You’ll be grateful the next time you have to get dressed quickly and know exactly where that cute little red dress is.

Plan Out Your Meals For A Month

Why not take this time to plan out a menu for the family for a month? Save money on meals by planning out a menu for dinners or a shopping list for your next grocery store visit. You’ll be amazed at how fast hubsy will poop when you’re preoccupied in planning mode!

Take The Kids To A Park

Since the kids are already buckled into the car and comfortable in their rear-facing car seats, you might as well take them somewhere to kill time. Drive them to the park down the street and tell your husband that you’ll be back within the hour. The kids will be happy and so will your husband without you banging on the door to see if he’s almost finished.

Go Shopping For Shoes

With your man preoccupied, now’s an excellent time to go to the nearest store and find a perfect pair of shoes. He won’t be bored following you around and you’ll be able to think more clearly knowing that you don’t have anywhere to be until he’s done.

Clean The House

With one of the biggest clutter-bugs in the water closet, you’ll find that cleaning up around the house will be easier and quicker. No doubt he’s locked the door so he will not be disturbed by women or children, so you’ve got at least 30 minutes of some good old cleaning time.


Take this extra unexpected time to do some burpees or run around the neighborhood. He’ll never know you were gone, you’ll get away from the smell and you’ll be releasing endorphins at the same time. It’s a win-win situation!

Watch A Chick Flick

If your husband’s not too into chick-flicks, here’s your chance to weep over Best Of Me or A Walk To Remember without any type of snarky comments. Shane West is all yours, baby.

Eat That Ben and Jerry’s You’ve Been Hiding

You know that pint of Phish Food you’ve been hiding in the back left corner of the freezer for the last 4 months? Take this time to snarf it down while the S.O. is having a blast (literally) in the loo. Just be sure to destroy the evidence by placing it in the neighbor’s garbage can before he emerges from the bathroom.

Backpack Through Europe

And if the nine previous activities won’t cover the amount of time it takes for your lover to coax out a log, just go to the computer and book a flight to Europe. Enjoy backpacking through Switzerland and Germany for a couple of weeks; there’s a good chance that he’ll be done by the time you get back (I hope).

What about you ladies?

Do you have any activities that I didn’t mention that help you kill time while waiting for your husband to poop? Do you ever get colon hydrotherapy? (I’ve heard it works wonders!) Let me know in the comments below!

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